Well, the sentiments from my previous post "Smattering" are still pretty similar.
YAY.
But, things, at least from this semester are winding down, coming to a close, praise Jesus.
But there's still much much more to be done.
So many good things will be going on this summer. So so so many.
Four months always fly by like nothing.
My summers are never chill either.
They're always crazy.
But I look forward to the week that I will for sure have to just crash after finals are done! Boy oh boy that will be a divine week!
This is my remembering this moment, knowing that I will be blown out of the water this time next year when I look back at the end of my undergrad.
And oh what a beautiful and terrifying day THAT will be!
I know I'm rambling :P
It won't get any better.
There's just SO MUCH.
Eeeps.
I can't even start to sift through it.
Highlights tho are:
I love my family. Seriously. So much it hurts. I have the best family in the world, immediate and extended. Wouldn't trade them for the world. And I want them all to be happy, unified and at peace.
I love my friends. They make me laugh and help me not be too hard on myself or take myself/life too seriously. Who let me air out all my grievances and usually cry with the utmost patience and understanding. But somehow also make me feel like a millions bucks and make me topple over in laughter. I hope everyone gets to laugh as much and as hard as I do. How I ever got to keep these phenomenal ppl will always be beyond me!
I love my music. And even tho this semester has been tough...I don't know. It's there. And it always will be. It's going to do/be something more than I can imagine.
And I LOVE my Jesus, my God. I don't know. It's been different between us lately, hasn't it Jesus. But You're waiting for me. I know You are. Not judging. But waiting. Beckoning. Understanding. Loving. With such Grace that I don't understand. I mess up. Oh so much. Oh so very much. But You're always there. And even at my worst it comforts me. Perfect love casts out all fear. And He's there. Waiting for me. Loving me. Holding me. I just...don't understand this love. Wow. Thank you.
My, what a year it's been. The most tears. The most laughs. And up till now, the most love. I can't help but be happy. So very happy. Even in my imperfection. My mess. My frustration and lack of spark. I'm here. He's here. You're all here.
Amongst it all, I'm still the luckiest girl in the entire world.
How I'm going to get through everything that's to come in the next 4 months, I really have no idea.
But I have peace. Peace that's beyond me. And you better bet that I'm more than ok with that :D
This was my theme song today:
Turn It Off - Paramore
I scraped my knees while I was praying
And found a demon in my safest haven
Seems like it's getting harder to believe in anything
Than just to get lost in all my selfish thoughts
I wanna know what it'd be like
To find perfection in my pride
To see nothing in the light
I'll turn it off, in all my spite
In all my spite, I'll turn it off
And the worst part is
Before it gets any better
We're headed for a cliff
And in the free fall
I will realize I'm better off
When I hit the bottom
The tragedy, it seems unending
I'm watching everyone I looked up to break and bending
We're taking shortcuts and false solutions
Just to come out the hero
Well, I can see behind the curtain
(I can see it now)
The wheels are cranking, turning
It's all wrong, the way we're working
Towards a goal that's non-existent
It's not existent, but we just keep believing
And the worst part is
Before it gets any better
We're headed for a cliff
And in the free fall
I will realize I'm better off
When I hit the bottom
I wanna know what it'd be like
To find perfection in my pride
To see nothing in the light
I'll turn it off, in all my spite
In all my spite, I'll turn it off
Just turn it off
Again, again, again
And the worst part is
Before it gets any better
We're headed for a cliff
And in the free fall
I will realize I'm better off
When I hit the bottom
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