*SIGH*

To say that this year has been the worst would be a gross underestimation.

Yet somehow, miracle of miracles God has made it good.

How does He do it?

Takes my ashes, my pain, my sorrow, my loss, my hurts, my garbage and my sins and makes it JOY, PEACE, WHOLE AND BEAUTIFUL?

Who is this God that I serve? This God that can make all things well?

Who is this God that can make me whole again?

Who is proud of me?

Who looks on me and says "Wow. Look at her. Look at her being such a trooper. I love her you know. I love her so much. And guess what? She loves me too."

He is not just jealous for me. He is giddy over me. And I for one will never understand how He blesses me like He does.

But He does. And I love Him. I don't want to let Him down.

And still after every failure in my eyes, He looks at me and says "Never a failure. You can't disappoint me, sweetie. You were never holding me up. There's need for you to hold me up. Or even yourself. Let me do it."

In the trenches I would cry out "HELP, LORD HELP ME!"

Hahaha and He would ask me "WHY ARE YOU YELLING?!?! I'M RIGHT HERE"

I have the greatest army in the universe.

Me. And Jesus.

The Victorious One.

The One who has conquered it all.

For me.

Just me.

Little B.

Who rarely even takes the time for herself is reminded that the King of Kings thinks the world of her. He's got His armies posted. His love overflowing. And His eyes trying to hold mine...but He's overcome by them.

I don't get it. Nor will I ever, I pray.

One year of sorrow. One year of pain. One year of tears. One year of refinement.

Now here comes the Joy in the morning...