Baby of MIne

So, prelude:

I've always wanted to be a mother. I can't remember a time where this wasn't the case. Sometimes God gives me a glimpse of the unconditional love of a parent, of a mother. It's part of learning to love like Him. It's part of learning how He loves me.

And in these moments I feel like my baby (or babies) are already here and my heart is filled with a love that hurts in the most beautiful, fulfilling way.

I'm excited to become a Mami :D (mommy in spanish = mami!!)

Not happening in the foreseeable future, ha! But at the same time it'll also be here before I even realize it's here.

Life has a way of surprising you right?

So I'm greatful that God has used my life experiences to prepare myself to be a Mami.

Because I want to be the best Mami there is :)

And I fully plan on doing everything in my power, aka giving it all to God, so that that baby will always feel loved in every moment. Because my baby will be :) As I am :)

Yes, My God is so good.

Baby,

I wish I could explain to you how much I already love you.

Even though you may not come for many more years,

Tu mami te quiere.

I've imagined you in my heart and in my mind and I know that the joy and anticipation that I feel is only a glimpse of what it one day will be, but I want you to know that even today, before Jesus decides to create you in me, you are treasured.

On this Earth, you in my arms will bring unrivaled awe, joy, wonder and fear.

Every part of you will be cherished.

And Mami won't let you ever believe otherwise.

For you will be fearfully and wonderfully made by the Magnificent Creator.

In His image.

And I won't ever let you forget it.

You will never be regretted, rejected or resented.

No matter when you come, my heart will rejoice beyond my mere words.

You will be mine.

The greatest accomplishment of my life by the grace of My Saviour.

My life, little one, has opened my eyes to the beauty of you.

Know that you are wanted. Worthy. Loved. Protected. With a mighty destiny.

Nothing less.

You have already stolen this Mami's heart.

Every moment with you will be a gift from our God up in Heaven.

And I thank Him now for every moment I get to have with you.

For every smile to come,

For every tear you shed,

Your Mami is here, with arms wide open,

With my heart already in your hand.

Your mami will always fight for you,

Her fierce protection only superseded but that of our Abba,

Whose love you cannot yet imagine.

I wait patiently for your arrival,

But know, mi corazon, that your arrival will be cause for a great celebration,

Because you are the greatest gift that My Beloved could ever give me on this Earth,

And you will be my treasure.

You are already my treasure.

Mami loves you baby of mine.

Much love,

B

What Does Love Look Like?

This is how Jesus loves me and how He is teaching me to love every single day:

Misty Edwards-Arms Wide Open

“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been pondering
“What does love look like?”
“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been asking of You

I once believed that love was romance, just a chance
I even thought that love was for the lucky and the beautiful
I once believed that love was a momentary bliss
But love is more than this
All You ever wanted was my attention
All You ever wanted was love from me
All You ever wanted was my affections, to sit here at Your feet

Then I sat down, a little frustrated and confused
If all of life comes down to love
Then love has to be more than sentiment
More than selfishness and selfish gain

And then I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
He was looking at me, looking at Him, staring through me
I could not escape those beautiful eyes
And I began to weep and weep

He had arms wide open, a heart exposed
Arms wide open; He was bleeding, bleeding

Love’s definition, love’s definition was looking at me
Looking at Him, hanging on a tree
I began to weep and weep and weep and weep

This is how I know what love is, this is how I know what love is

And as I sat there weeping, crying
Those beautiful eyes, full of desire and love

He said to me, “You shall love Me, You shall love Me
You shall love Me, You shall love Me”

With arms wide open, a heart exposed
With arms wide open, bleeding, sometimes bleeding

If anybody’s looking for love in all the wrong places
If you’ve been searching for love, come to Me, come to Me
Take up your cross, deny yourself
Forget your father’s house and run, run with Me
You were made for abandonment, wholeheartedness
You were made for someone greater, someone bigger, so follow Me
And You’ll come alive when you learn to die.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2ZCIp0HiRo

much <3,
b

Friendships Dies Hard

I miss my best friend.
Yup. This marks the 1 year anniversary of the hardest week for my life.
Not just one day.
But yes, the entire week.
I try not to think about that too much, and it works out quite well for me...
No one needs that replayed in there mind more than absolutely necessary.
Me telling that story is not for the fainthearted.
For realzies.
But today, I realized that all the pain that I've felt in the last 359 (ish) days was, yes, the lost of the man I planned to be with for the rest of my life...
But over and above everything that has caused me to crumble to my knees, I realized that I miss my best friend.
Of course my best girlfriends know so much about me and can make me laugh with our endless parade of inside jokes.
But this guy, the guy whom I had devoted myself to, had my heart. Selflessly and, according to me, for life.
This kind of vulnerability is all I knew, and I now that God created me to be that way, and I praise Him every day for helping me love so fully, without fear, with complete trust.
But when you love so openly, just like the Lord, you expose your heart and sadly, it seems, pain is inevitable.
Not just some pain.
Great pain.
Great, searing pain that cuts through you.
This pain was so multi-faceted, I remember just crying out to God to get me through it.
I asked Him to help me get through the pain. And not just survive. But learn. And fully heal. Refinement. Maturity.
But today, all deep, spiritual and emotional depths aside, I miss my best friend.
Not everyone would sit and watch The Incredibles with me and love it just as much.
Or recommend Cars. And Meet the Robinsons (and be able to replicate the T-Rex with a quite uncanny precision...)
Or love the hamster from Bolt as much as me.
Hm.
And those are just the Pixar memories...

The Lord gives and He takes away.
My heart will choose to say,
Blessed be Your name.

In all things, He is good.
Whom have I to fear?

I like to think that all things work for good because the Lord loves me with a love beyond my comprehension.

So I know He's taking care of me.
He will heal.
He will save.
He will restore.
He will deliver.

But I know that:

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

My God is good.
I praise you for this year Jesus.
You have been glorified.
Even if it is unexpected or unrecognizable to me and the world.

But I love you, Abba.
For you are good.

Much love,

B