Friendships Dies Hard

I miss my best friend.
Yup. This marks the 1 year anniversary of the hardest week for my life.
Not just one day.
But yes, the entire week.
I try not to think about that too much, and it works out quite well for me...
No one needs that replayed in there mind more than absolutely necessary.
Me telling that story is not for the fainthearted.
For realzies.
But today, I realized that all the pain that I've felt in the last 359 (ish) days was, yes, the lost of the man I planned to be with for the rest of my life...
But over and above everything that has caused me to crumble to my knees, I realized that I miss my best friend.
Of course my best girlfriends know so much about me and can make me laugh with our endless parade of inside jokes.
But this guy, the guy whom I had devoted myself to, had my heart. Selflessly and, according to me, for life.
This kind of vulnerability is all I knew, and I now that God created me to be that way, and I praise Him every day for helping me love so fully, without fear, with complete trust.
But when you love so openly, just like the Lord, you expose your heart and sadly, it seems, pain is inevitable.
Not just some pain.
Great pain.
Great, searing pain that cuts through you.
This pain was so multi-faceted, I remember just crying out to God to get me through it.
I asked Him to help me get through the pain. And not just survive. But learn. And fully heal. Refinement. Maturity.
But today, all deep, spiritual and emotional depths aside, I miss my best friend.
Not everyone would sit and watch The Incredibles with me and love it just as much.
Or recommend Cars. And Meet the Robinsons (and be able to replicate the T-Rex with a quite uncanny precision...)
Or love the hamster from Bolt as much as me.
Hm.
And those are just the Pixar memories...

The Lord gives and He takes away.
My heart will choose to say,
Blessed be Your name.

In all things, He is good.
Whom have I to fear?

I like to think that all things work for good because the Lord loves me with a love beyond my comprehension.

So I know He's taking care of me.
He will heal.
He will save.
He will restore.
He will deliver.

But I know that:

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

My God is good.
I praise you for this year Jesus.
You have been glorified.
Even if it is unexpected or unrecognizable to me and the world.

But I love you, Abba.
For you are good.

Much love,

B