The Way She Feels

Alright. The Way She Feels, Take 2.

As I was trying to say in my last blog, my feelings are quite frequently expressed by the lyrics of a song. I am able to talk about how I'm feeling and why I'm feeling what I feel (self assessment is a gift of mine--I can be brutally self aware) but music and songs seem to show what my feelings SOUND like.

Hm, this is hard to explain.

No matter!

I have a sneaking suspicion that this blog may have a bit of a trend. God always seems to send songs into my life that I adore and consequently have on repeat for an extended amount of time. I take pleasure in picking the songs apart and interpreting in relation to the happenings of my life. I love it :)

For the past couple of months, one of the many songs has been The Way She Feels by Between the Trees. I discovered this song in September and have come back to it every few days/weeks. I discovered a couple months ago that Between the Trees wrote this song for the To Write Love on Her Arm organization that works to present hope for people struggling with self injury, suicide, depression and addiction. Here are the lyrics:

She's upset
Bad day
Heads for the dresser drawer
To drive her pain away.
Nothing good can come of this.
She opens it,
There's nothing there
There is only left over tears.
Mom and dad had no right she screams
The anger runs down both of her cheeks.

Then she closed her eyes
And found relief in a knife
The blood flows as she cries.

All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
Bite the lip just forget the bleeding.

Then she closed her eyes
And found relief in a knife
The blood flows as she cries

Curled up,
She's on the floor.
The relief left her...
She had hoped for something more
From it
And he leans down to comfort her
She is weeping
And He
Wraps His arms around
And around and around and...
"The deeper you cut
The deeper I hurt
The deeper you cut
It only gets worse
The deeper you cut
The deeper I hurt
The deeper you cut
It only gets worse
Gets worse.

Now she's slowly opening...
Yeah, slowly opening
New eyes...

She opened her eyes
And found relief in His life
And put down her knives

Then she opened her life
And found relief through His eyes
And put down
She put down,
Her knife."

I've personally never been a person who has struggled with self injury or with thoughts of suicide. However I HAVE experienced pain and disappointment and through this song, I realized that physical self injury is not the only damaging escape from pain. I can go on and on about the things that we do to "escape" our pain. We all have these things. Not all, granted, are unhealthy, but I've learned that so many of them are not just physically damaging, but mentally and emotionally damaging as well.

As I realized this God uncovered another part to the story, again with the help of this song:
"And he leans down to comfort her
She is weeping
And He
Wraps His arms around
And around and around and...
"The deeper you cut
The deeper I hurt
The deeper you cut
It only gets worse"

I was totally driving when God showed me this part of the picture, which was not good because I started crying. It was him watching me further damaging myself by not giving my pain to Him. It was Him wanting so much to help me and to heal my pain--all I had to do was ask--but I was really only making it worse by doing what I, or at least the world, thought was right. It was HIM crying as I hurt myself because when I hurt, He hurts.

I watched the music video earlier today and started crying (naturally) at the depiction of this. The girl's daddy realizes that she is cutting herself and she rushes to find her, to save her, and he finds her broken and in pain and he just falls beside her and takes her into his arms and ried with her, picks her up and takes her away.

Anyway, once I realized that all my false comforts really weren't doing much but hurt me even more, I realized that I needed to let my Daddy save me. He was made to complete me, to comfort me, to heal me. And He has. (See my very first blog!)

And now, my eyes have been open to the Truth. And now I walk in it. Confidant, safe and happy. "She opened her eyes, and found relief in His life, and put down her knives."

I've opened my eyes. I have relief and joy in my Lord and Saviour. I've put down my "knives". To God be all the glory :)

I hope and pray that you may find your joy, peace and identity in HIM.

He was created to give you that. And you were created to receive it all.

Much love.